Bugs.
I report in to share that we appear to be under siege by members of the underground terrorist cell animalia arthropoda. You see, the temperature has suddenly shot up from being a consistent 65 degrees to a steamy 85 even at midnight.
And then the bugs came.
The first sign of the beast manifests itself as a multitude of tiny gnats frolicking in the moist bathroom sink-bowl. The second is a swarming of at least three different species of winged devils around any indoor light source. I counted the selfsame bathroom sink-gnats, a moth-like gnat of a more robust body (and a deep brown when all smashed up on a scrap of tissue, which is my preferred form of this beast), and what may or not be a distant cousin of the mosquito, which seems to suffer from dwarfism or some such malady.
This all came to a head about 45 minutes ago, when I was laying comfortably asleep in bed. I felt a pleasant tickling sensation along my thigh, as if a lover were tracing an unseen finger gently along my skin in the dark. Also, if this lover had eighty-six fingers, all 3 millimeters in thickness and covered with a fine hair-like covering. I reached my hand out in the night and rubbed my thigh...and something was there. I promptly elicited a sound unlike any loosed upon this earth since the long-ago days of the vikings, who I've heard lived in an exceedingly cold place and bore hammers of elkskin and møøse. Also, they had beards and bought bacon in bulk at Costco.
I leapt from the bed with an animal grace - if the animal were a duck-billed platypus. I turned on every light in the bedroom, and in spite of my bedmates protracted cries of mercy to spare her 4 AM eyes from my floodlight fury, I found a bug-creature in my bed. She killed it for me, because, really, I'm not touching those creepy bug-things, even if I had one of those cold-Viking møøse-hammers. Yuck.
And then to top it off, I walk out to the kitchen - keep in mind this is not a long walk in our 450 square foot closet-apartment - and I nearly step on a spider the size of a quarter. A freakin' quarter.
So yeah, now I'm wide awake and not going back to my bug-infested bed anytime soon.
And then the bugs came.
The first sign of the beast manifests itself as a multitude of tiny gnats frolicking in the moist bathroom sink-bowl. The second is a swarming of at least three different species of winged devils around any indoor light source. I counted the selfsame bathroom sink-gnats, a moth-like gnat of a more robust body (and a deep brown when all smashed up on a scrap of tissue, which is my preferred form of this beast), and what may or not be a distant cousin of the mosquito, which seems to suffer from dwarfism or some such malady.
This all came to a head about 45 minutes ago, when I was laying comfortably asleep in bed. I felt a pleasant tickling sensation along my thigh, as if a lover were tracing an unseen finger gently along my skin in the dark. Also, if this lover had eighty-six fingers, all 3 millimeters in thickness and covered with a fine hair-like covering. I reached my hand out in the night and rubbed my thigh...and something was there. I promptly elicited a sound unlike any loosed upon this earth since the long-ago days of the vikings, who I've heard lived in an exceedingly cold place and bore hammers of elkskin and møøse. Also, they had beards and bought bacon in bulk at Costco.
I leapt from the bed with an animal grace - if the animal were a duck-billed platypus. I turned on every light in the bedroom, and in spite of my bedmates protracted cries of mercy to spare her 4 AM eyes from my floodlight fury, I found a bug-creature in my bed. She killed it for me, because, really, I'm not touching those creepy bug-things, even if I had one of those cold-Viking møøse-hammers. Yuck.
And then to top it off, I walk out to the kitchen - keep in mind this is not a long walk in our 450 square foot closet-apartment - and I nearly step on a spider the size of a quarter. A freakin' quarter.
So yeah, now I'm wide awake and not going back to my bug-infested bed anytime soon.
posted by Joseph at 7:03 AM
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